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January 11, 2013 - Brian Collins
It's tough having an office job these days.

For one, there's the infinite temptation we all know as YouTube lurking in the shadows of every Internet browser ever created. (Why can't we just block YouTube from our work servers?! Oh yeah, that's because a lot of news outlets are now uploading exclusive videos to it...dang)

Also, there's a good chance you either stay up late or have a second job so energy levels come 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. tend to leave something to be desired.

Well, for me, the second is a very real threat.

To combat the exhaustion I face every day (I work a 9-5, a 6-midnight, and help coach a swim team at 6 a.m.), I stumbled upon this drink in my local grocery store called 'neuro sonic.'

Holy sweet baby Moses and the Jackson Five.

The label states:
  • provides mental energy
  • supports focus and concentration
  • promotes healthy aging
  • supports memory

That's great and all, but here's the problem:
  • I have more than mental energy...I'm bouncing around the newsroom like a hamster in one of those little plastic balls.
  • I'm pretty darn focused...but mostly on drinking the rest of the bottle. (I've been writing a sentence, taking a drink, then repeating the process.)
  • I don't care about aging...I still look like I'm sixteen.
  • My memory is fine...however, now I'm remembering things that don't matter (like the fact that I once forgot to return a library book in middle school and had to pay a thirty cent fine).

So now, I'm trying to figure out if it's all in my head or not...

Thankfully Sarah, a friend of mine, has helped to confirm that this stuff really works.

When I asked her if she'd ever tried 'neuro,' she told me she had tried 'neuro sleep.' The results were similar, with respect to the drink's purpose.

"I've never had much of a problem sleeping...but yeah, I slept like I was dead."


So, I've concluded that my temporary insanity is the result of the drink and not some other factor.

Enough time wasted.

Back to work.


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'neuro' the substance that is fueling my current rant.