When I was cleaning out one of my drawers, I came across this little folder. Of course, I took time to see what it was. It said it was favorite quotes from “Good Old Days” books. There were quotes from many noted people.

One, interested me. It was from Robert Frost. It said, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life – it goes on.”

For anyone in my age bracket that is particularly certain. We have all experienced many losses. We have lost parents, siblings, children, and spouses.

Anyone who has experienced the loss of a spouse has been through grief. I have not only lost a spouse, but I have lost two of them. Although they were different, some things were the same. I felt the loneliness that the loss of a spouse brings. You are used to doing things with someone, but then you are on your own. Half of the twosome is missing.

While friends came around during the mourning period, some I have never heard from. Even those who showed up then have long ago left me be. The loss is something that you have to deal with on your own.

When Dick died, I was left with a big old house that we had restored together. He was sick for quite a while so his death was not unexpected. I had been his caregiver. In some ways losing the job of caregiver was a welcome change. I knew that he was no longer suffering. I had retired so I had no job to return to. I did, however, have my children and grandchildren. The grandchildren were young. I babysat for them weekly. That gave me something to look forward to. I loved taking them for walks, playing with them, reading them stories, and making things with them. Life was busy.

I filled my time with volunteer work. I volunteered at church. I volunteered at the hospital.

I joined a Red Hat group – that particular group gave me new friends to eat out with. It also gave me people to travel with. I traveled extensively enjoying each and every trip. I planned one big trip a year.

I saw the last two states – Hawaii and Alaska. I saw Mexico and Canada. The last trip I took was to Europe as we traveled up the Danube River. All of them were fun and educational. I made scrapbooks from my travels. That helped me remember what I saw and where I went. I could not pick a favorite trip. I enjoyed them all.

After seventeen years alone I remarried. Don was Dick’s uncle by marriage. When his wife died, he was lonesome. He began with a dinner out for our birthdays. He knew that I did not like to eat out alone.

From that time on, our time together increased. We went out to eat, but we also went other places too. I went to his class reunion. He went to sporting events for my grandchildren. He went to family birthday parties. I guess you might say we became a couple.

Don came up to Hickory Heights for coffee quite often. I would be doing my dishes and see a little gray car out back. Every time we visited, we got to know each other better. When Melanie asked me if I knew all the things her father did, I replied that I knew a lot of them. I told her I was getting the kinder gentler Don. He was not the man that she remembered.

As fate would have it, I lost both husbands in the month of February so this month is particularly hard on me. Don, too, died of illness, but it was not nearly as long as the time I spent nursing Dick. With his passing I was truly on my own. I no longer had a job. Because of COVID I could no longer volunteer like I used to. My grandchildren were grown up and in college or working.

It has been a long tough road to travel. Memories are what keep me going. I think back often to what my life used to be like when I was part of a couple. Of course, my writing has seen me through all of it. That is the one constant.

Our pastor surprised me at one meeting asking me how I survived losing two husbands. I told him that my faith in God got me through it. God was always with me to sustain me and push me to move on.

Thank you to my faithful readers. You have become my friends and my support system.

I end this with another quote. This time I do not know the author. It is Richard Bach. “Here is a test to find out whether your mission in life is complete. If you’re alive, it isn’t.” I am still here so there must be something else God wants me to do.

Ann Swanson writes from her home in Russell. Contact her at hickoryheights1@verizon.net.